Monthly Archives: October 2014

Get the Lord out of science class, people!

Trigger warning I guess…this post deals with abuse by Christian parents so um…reader discretion is advised?

Stuff like this makes me hate people asking me how I can possibly be learning in home school.

http://www.addictinginfo.org/2014/10/27/convert-or-else/

The gist: a boy was given a science test that had a question reading “it is amazing what the ________ has made!!!!!!!!” Of course, the answer was “the Lord” but this poor Buddhist kid who wasn’t beaten over the head with a Bible from the moment he was conceived didn’t know the answer.

His parents naturally went to the school to ask what the hell was wrong with them (in nicer words than I just used) and the school said that if it bothered the kid that he was excluded, he should just stop being Buddhist because he doesn’t “have to” be and could just as easily convert.

This sounds like just a difference of opinion to a lot of people, but it’s not. It’s really disgusting to me that people try to make science class about God. Like, yeah, I get it, you’re happily religious and I guess if that’s how you feel I’m happy for you. Except that’s a lie. I’m not happy for you. I’m not happy for people who are getting moral instructions from leaders at the two separate churches where I experienced things no kid should ever experience. Frankly, I’m not sure why anyone wants to follow a God who sits back and says nothing when an adult tells them that they have to lie about being sexually abused or else Mr. Big Scary Christian God will hate them! That’s just my opinion though and I know it’s not a popular one.

People tell me now “oh honey God doesn’t want that!” Why does he get off that easily, for having so many churches filled with unrepentant child molesters (of all genders, abusing all genders, in all denominations). If a CEO had no freaking idea that major representatives of his company were child rapists, people would expect that CEO to respond to the situation quickly and efficiently. They’d want an apology as well as an official message from that CEO saying “these fuck wads do not represent me, my company, or our values and these people have been removed!”

The church couldn’t even be bothered to do that. They just let my parents (whom I no longer live with) tell them the abuse didn’t matter and then chose to ignore it. Oh, that only happened at the church where they even bothered to call the police. Wonder why I don’t live with my parents now? The church that did call the police still didn’t fire the abuser because they needed her charity dollars. If that isn’t an un-Christian thing to do I don’t know what is!

So people say “oh God works in mysterious ways” but why does that excuse work for God when it wouldn’t work for anyone else on Earth? If I said that British Petrol “spilled oil in a mysterious way” and that the oil spill might have been part of their plan, people would probably tell me they didn’t care, that they weren’t devoting tons of money and brand loyalty to a company that screws that many people over. Yes, it fuels many peoples’ cars but people can buy gas somewhere else if BP doesn’t get its shit together. Similarly, God needs a better excuse for letting abusers stay in positions of power than “whelp, free will, and oh I’m working in a mysterious way right now.”

Where was my free-will when this was done to me, God? Ask yourself if what you’re doing is really giving everyone free-will because to me it seems like your actions (or lack thereof) give abusers a hell of a lot more agency than children ever get.

I’m not trying to tell people what to believe, but my point is that you don’t know what you’re saying when you tell people like me to give God another chance. You’re saying “listen, I know you were sexually molested at two separate churches and that in both instances the entire church community rallied in support around the abuser and NOT you, claiming you were the bad one, but I don’t care because my right not to have to deal with you disagreeing with me is more important than your valid criticism of the kinds of shit that goes on at churches and that no major branch of organized religion seems to have found a decent way to address.”

I’m sick of parents who teach their kids to be Christian. I’m sick of being scared, wondering if their kids are being hurt too and if they’re just too in love with the Lord to give a damn or to notice one way or the other. I’m sick of people thinking it’s alright to force their religious views on others. I’m also sick of the unearned superiority complex Christians often have. No, you guys have not earned the right to be smug about how right you are. Not until you clean up this mess. I’d say that to any community with a mess like this, and I say it all the time. Clean up your shit. Stop acting like Pagans/Satanists are the only religious people capable of committing organized abusive crime and start holding abusers responsible.

Learn your damn Bibles too. Realize that “turn the other cheek” means something a lot different than what you’re telling kids it means, and that abusers are saying it means kids have to endure beatings. Realize that bullying and abusing your kid because they’re gay and Leviticus said gay is wrong goes against everything Jesus said about love and avoiding judgment. Realize that when your kid is abused, it’s not some personal slight against you. Realize that when your kid is gay it’s not “your failure” that you need to hide.

For Christian parents who aren’t abusers, just keep an eye out okay? For those who are, stop fucking excusing your abusive shit by pointing to your ancient Bible. If you’re fucking your own kid, I don’t care if you go to church 8,000 times per day. There is no magic number of Precious Moments figurines, prayers, Bibles, episodes of Veggie Tales on DVD, cross-stitched blessings, plastic mangers for your front yard, Mary statues, etc that can wash the shame of being a child rapist off of you. You are missing the best part of being religious – the kind of belonging you can only get by being an honest and real human being who is actually a good person instead of just a liar. Liars never end up happy in the long-run. If you really are right and there is a God and a Satan and a hell, you are surely falling down the chute very quickly for blaming God and/or Jesus for your abusive behavior. Nobody wants a parent who does that to move in with them, and I think even Jesus and God feel that way.

No, Mom. I’m not the one Jesus Christ himself would be mad at. You and your stupid abusive husband are, and that’s why I have to be raised somewhere else and home school because my trauma makes normal school hard.

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Psychiatrist

Wow, so um special day I just had.

I think I’ve told you guys already (whoever reads this thing) that I’m not with my family of origin anymore. It used to be like “yeah you can visit but you can’t ask me to live with you again.” People thought some distance would help them see reason, but it didn’t. Now my parents aren’t allowed to talk to me/I’m not supposed to talk to them either. It’s kind of sad but it’s also kind of nice that it’s some official Not Supposed To so I can say I’m just following the rules and it doesn’t have to feel like some evil choice I’m making. Oh well.

So I had to go see one of “those” doctors, ie: the kind that looks at your head because when your mom’s got something called a personality disorder and your dad’s this like split between the zonked out sarcastic jerk who tries to act nice sometimes and the rage demon who comes out of nowhere and disappears as quickly as he arrived, people want to know what your head is like too apparently. I really wanted to know too because I don’t want to have or adopt kids someday and be the kind of mom my mom was or the emotionally absent dad. That whole “making things/giving presents superwoman” plus “constantly mad and critical and judgey” thing is such bad parenting and I want to make sure my own mind doesn’t make me that.

But um, it’s nerve-wracking talking to a psychiatrist. It’s like your soul is in the principal’s office wondering what it did to be in trouble. I went in there and had to tell him I was taking psych drugs (yeah I know I’m young but that’s part of what makes it terrible) and I don’t want to be taking psych drugs. He thinks someday I can live without it. No Zoloft, no Wellbutrin, no sleep aids for the nights I stay up worrying or hallucinate a hand turning my doorknob – a hand belonging to a person who wants to hurt me and then blink and it’s gone. Somehow he thinks some sunshine, friendship, love, security, and maybe some healthy herbs and exercise can transform all that into a functional human being.

We’ll see.

It’s embarrassing to say you’re this young and not speaking to your parents at all, but he didn’t take it to mean I was some brat (thankfully).

It meant a lot that SOMEONE doesn’t think I’m hopeless. Like, someone thinks I’m not actually beyond hope. Being out of school because I “just can’t” and not doing my work every day because “my brain is messed up” is not the nicest feeling in the world but somebody thinks he can fix it or help ME fix it.